Relationship Check-In Questions
A short weekly ritual for two people who want to keep up with each other’s lives.
- Time
- 20 min
- Players
- Two players, no turns
- Best for
- A weekly ritual at home
- Deck
- 100 questions in 5 categories
How to use these check-in questions
- Pick a category from the menu under the card, or keep “All categories”.
- Read the question on the top card aloud and both answer it.
- Swipe the card away, or tap “Next question”, for the next one. Questions do not repeat until you have seen the whole category.
- Tap the heart to save a question on this device, or tap “Make a 10-question list” for a list you can copy.
When to do a relationship check-in
You can share a home and still miss the small news of each other’s week. A short check-in at a set time catches it while it is fresh, before it gets buried under the next round of plans.
Sunday afternoon with tea
Five cards at the kitchen counter before the new week starts. This week and Home and plans get Monday off to a calm start.
The first evening of the month
A longer round that ends in Looking ahead, with a few hearts on the plans worth keeping.
After a run of busy weeks
When you have mostly passed each other in the hallway, start with How we’re doing and What I need right now. For a lighter evening afterward, try date night questions.
Ways to run a relationship check-in
Same time, twenty minutes
Pick a slot that rarely moves, like Sunday after breakfast, and keep it to twenty minutes. Leave your phones in another room and bring just one to the table for the cards.
Five cards, one from each category
Work down the menu in order: This week, How we’re doing, What I need right now, Home and plans, then Looking ahead. Five cards cover the week without turning it into a meeting.
A longer round once a month
On the first weekend of the month, take two cards from each category and save Looking ahead for a walk. Heart the plans you make so they are waiting at the next check-in.
Keeping the check-in light
- If a card opens something big, pause the deck and give it its own time.
- An answer unlike your own is welcome news. It tells you something you would not have guessed.
- On a tired night, one card from What I need right now still counts as a check-in.
All 100 relationship check in questions by category
The complete list, grouped by category. The cards above draw from the same list, so you can read ahead here and play there.
This week
What happened, the high points, the low points and the moments in between.
- What was the high point of your week, and what was the low point?
- Which hour of this week would you gladly have stretched a little longer?
- What surprised you this week, at work, at home or anywhere else?
- Apart from me, who did you enjoy talking to most this week?
- Which day this week felt the longest, and what made it drag?
- Which task finally got crossed off your list this week, and how did that feel?
- Was there a moment this week when you wished I had been there with you?
- Which part of your usual routine slipped this week, and did you mind?
Show all 20 in This weekShow fewer
- How have you been sleeping this week, on the whole?
- What was the most ordinary part of your week that you secretly enjoyed?
- What went sideways this week, and how did you handle it?
- Where did most of your energy go this week: work, people, home or something else?
- Which evening this week felt the most like ours?
- Which plan changed at the last minute this week, and how did that go?
- What’s something kind that someone did for you this week?
- What took far longer than you expected this week?
- If you could redo one afternoon from this week, which would it be?
- Which hobby or pastime got some of your time this week?
- What news from friends or family came your way this week?
- What was harder this week than it looked from the outside?
How we’re doing
Feeling close, time together and the small things worth noticing.
- How has our time together felt lately: plenty, just right or a bit thin?
- Name one small thing from this week you appreciated about me, and I’ll name one about you.
- Which moment we shared this week would you like more of?
- Did we laugh together enough this week? What was the best laugh?
- Where did we make a good team this week?
- Was there a day this week we hardly saw each other, and how did that feel?
- On a busy day, what helped you feel connected to me?
- Which good morning or goodnight this week was your favorite?
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- What’s something I said this week that stayed with you?
- When did you feel most listened to by me this week?
- What was the most playful moment between us lately?
- Which of our little rituals kept us going this week?
- Which hug this week was the best one, and why?
- How did we do at talking about our days, not just the to-do list?
- What did you enjoy about me this week that has nothing to do with chores?
- Was there a moment this week when I made you feel at home?
- What’s one thing I do that is working well, so I keep doing it?
- Did we spend our free time this week the way we both wanted?
- Was there a moment you wanted to reach out to me and didn’t get the chance?
- What did we do this week that felt like a small date, even if it wasn’t planned as one?
What I need right now
Rest, help, space or attention, asked for kindly and heard kindly.
- How can I make it easier for you to ask me for help?
- With what’s on your mind, would you like advice, a hand or just a listening ear?
- Is there an evening this week you would like to keep just for yourself?
- What kind of attention would feel best right now: more talk, more hugs or quiet company?
- Is there anything I should remember for you this week, like a deadline or an appointment?
- Is there something I could do a little more of right now, or a little less of?
- Is there a call or appointment this week you’d rather not face alone?
- What does a good evening look like for you this week: busy, social or quiet?
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- Is there anything you’d like to say no to this week, and can I help you do it?
- Is there a meal, a walk or a nap you’ve been craving?
- Would you like more plans together this week, or more breathing room?
- Is there a conversation you’d like us to save for a calmer day?
- Which part of your week could use a little encouragement from me?
- What could I do this week that would make you feel less rushed?
- Would a lazy morning, an early night or an afternoon out do you the most good right now?
- If you have a big day coming up, what would help you the night before?
- Is there something you’d like to hear from me this week?
- What small comfort could I have ready for you at the end of a long day?
- Have you had enough time outdoors lately, and would you like company next time?
- Is there a decision you’re weighing that you’d like to think through out loud with me?
Home and plans
The calendar, chores, errands and a light look at shared money.
- What’s on the calendar this week that we both need to know about?
- Which evenings this week will we both be home for dinner?
- Which chore felt heavier than usual this week?
- What do we keep forgetting to buy?
- Who is cooking, driving or picking up what this week?
- Are there any bills or payments coming up, and who will take care of them?
- Is there a purchase coming up that we should talk over first?
- Which meal should we plan ahead for the busiest night this week?
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- Is there a birthday, gift or card we need to sort out soon?
- What around the home needs fixing, and who wants to take it on?
- Do we have any visitors, trips or late nights coming up?
- How is our spending feeling this month: comfortable, or worth a quick look together?
- Which task on our list could we simply drop this week?
- Is there an appointment either of us needs to book?
- Who is waiting on a reply from us: an invitation, a message or a form?
- Which of our standing plans, like a weekly call or class, needs a new time?
- Which of us has the busier week, and how should we share things because of it?
- Is anything due for renewal soon, like a passport, a license or a library book?
- What could we get ready tonight to make tomorrow morning easier?
- Is there a subscription or membership we’ve stopped using?
Looking ahead
Next week, next month and something to look forward to.
- What small thing could we plan for next weekend that we would both enjoy?
- Which day next week looks hardest for you, and what would make it easier?
- What’s something you want to get done by the end of the month?
- If next week went really well, what would that look like for you?
- Which meal would you like us to cook together next week?
- What’s one habit you would like to start next week?
- What’s something we could try for the first time this month?
- Where would you like to go for a walk together before our next check-in?
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- What do you hope we talk about at our next check-in?
- Which part of next month are you most curious about?
- Before this season ends, what’s one thing you’d hate to miss?
- What could you look forward to every day next week, even for five minutes?
- Is there a trip or day out on the horizon we should start talking about?
- What’s coming up next week that you would like me to ask about afterward?
- Which small idea from tonight would you like to try next week?
- How would you like to spend next Sunday evening, so Monday feels easier?
- What little reward could we plan for the end of a busy stretch?
- Which morning next week could we start slowly together?
- When next month is over, what would you like us to be able to say about it?
- What could we do next week that costs nothing and feels like a treat?
Frequently asked questions
How many relationship check in questions are there?
There are 100 questions, 20 in each of five categories: this week, how we’re doing, what I need right now, home and plans, and looking ahead. The cards and the list on this page use the same set.
How often should couples do a check-in?
Whatever rhythm you will actually keep. Once a week suits many couples, since a week is short enough to remember and long enough to have news. Every other Sunday or the first evening of the month works too. Try one for a month and adjust.
Is a check-in the same as couples therapy?
No. It is a friendly habit for two people who are doing fine and want to stay part of each other’s days. If things between you have felt hard for a while, talking with a couples counselor is a kind step to take together.
Do we need to live together to use these?
No. Home and plans fits couples who share a place best, but the other four categories work for anyone, including couples who check in over a video call. For more ways to stay close across miles, see long distance.