Deep Questions for Couples
Slow questions for the evenings when you both have time to answer properly.
- Time
- 20–60 min
- Players
- Two players, no turns
- Best for
- Quiet evenings and long walks
- Deck
- 100 questions in 5 categories
How to use these deep questions
- Pick a category from the menu under the card, or keep “All categories”.
- Read the question on the top card aloud and both answer it.
- Swipe the card away, or tap “Next question”, for the next one. Questions do not repeat until you have seen the whole category.
- Tap the heart to save a question on this device, or tap “Make a 10-question list” for a list you can copy.
When to ask deep questions
Deep questions need time and a little quiet. Asked in a rush they feel like an interview; asked when nothing else is competing for attention, they turn into the conversations you remember.
Lights low, before sleep
One card from The two of you, answered in the dark. Some things are easier to say when you are not looking at each other.
The end of a big week
After a move, a deadline or a trip, Hopes and fears helps you both say what the week was really like.
On an anniversary
Where you come from and The big picture, a few cards each, over a long dinner.
Ways to use deep questions
One question, one walk
Draw a card before you leave the house and put the phone away. A deep question needs more room than a dinner table, and a long walk gives it that.
Answer, then ask back
Whoever drew the card answers first, then asks the other a follow-up of their own. The follow-ups are where the real conversation starts.
Write it down first
For Hopes and fears, each of you jots down an answer before anyone speaks, so nobody adjusts theirs to match the other one.
Making room for a real answer
- Let the pause happen. The honest answer usually arrives after the first one.
- “I don’t know yet” is a real answer. Save the card and come back to it next week.
- Listen to understand, not to reply. Your turn comes with the next card.
All 100 deep questions for couples by category
The complete list, grouped by category. The cards above draw from the same list, so you can read ahead here and play there.
Who you are
Values, strengths and the parts of you that took a while to like.
- What’s a value you’d hold on to even if it cost you something?
- Which of your strengths do you think people overlook?
- What does a day look like when you’re at your best?
- What part of your personality took you the longest to accept?
- When do you feel most confident, and when does that confidence leave you?
- What’s something you believe that most people around you don’t?
- What do you do to recharge when you’re running on empty?
- Which compliment has stayed with you the longest?
Show all 20 in Who you areShow fewer
- What’s a habit you’re quietly proud of?
- What would you do with a completely free year?
- What kind of person do you hope you’re becoming?
- What makes you feel respected?
- What’s something you find hard to ask for?
- Which of your quirks do you secretly like the most?
- What do you think your friends come to you for?
- What does success mean to you right now, and has that changed?
- When did you last surprise yourself?
- What drains your energy faster than people would guess?
- What’s a rule you live by that nobody taught you?
- What would ten-year-old you think of the person you are now?
Where you come from
Childhood, family and the moments that quietly shaped you.
- Which song belongs to one particular summer of your life, and why?
- Which adult shaped you most when you were growing up, and how?
- What was a typical Sunday like in your house?
- Was there something your family didn’t talk about that you wish they had?
- Which of your parents’ habits have you caught yourself repeating?
- What did you learn about love from the people who raised you?
- What responsibility did you take on earlier than most people your age?
- What was a turning point in your teenage years?
Show all 20 in Where you come fromShow fewer
- Who was your best friend at twelve, and what were you like together?
- What’s a mistake from your past that taught you something you still use?
- What did you want more than anything as a teenager?
- Which place from your past would you visit again for one day?
- What’s a family story you’ve heard a hundred times?
- What did you have to figure out on your own?
- What made you feel safe as a child?
- Which moment in your life would you like to watch again from the outside?
- How did the way you grew up shape the way you think about money?
- What was the hardest goodbye you’ve had to say?
- What’s something you did as a kid that still explains you today?
- Which year of your life changed you the most, and why?
The two of you
How you love, what you need, and what you’re building together.
- When did you first feel this relationship was different?
- What’s something I do that makes you feel loved without me realizing it?
- Which moment from our relationship would you like to live again?
- What do you need from me when you’re stressed but don’t want to talk about it?
- What have you learned about yourself by being with me?
- What does being a good partner mean to you?
- Which of our routines would you miss most if it disappeared?
- What’s a new tradition you’d like the two of us to start?
Show all 20 in The two of youShow fewer
- When did you realize you could be completely yourself with me?
- What’s something you find hard to tell me, and how could I make it easier?
- How can you tell when I need space, and when I need you?
- What have we been through together that you’re proud of?
- What do you think we’re especially good at as a couple?
- What does commitment look like on an ordinary Tuesday?
- How has your idea of love changed since we met?
- What do you want me to remember when we see something differently?
- Which part of our life together feels most like home?
- What would you like our relationship to feel like in ten years?
- What’s something about me you only understood after a while?
- Which question do you wish I asked you more often?
Hopes and fears
What you’re reaching for, and what you’d rather not face alone.
- What’s a dream you haven’t said out loud yet?
- What are you most afraid of losing?
- What would you try if you knew nobody would judge you?
- Which fear has held you back the most, and is it still there?
- What are you hoping the next year brings?
- What worries you about the future, and what excites you about it?
- What’s something you’re secretly hoping for?
- When do you feel most anxious, and what helps?
Show all 20 in Hopes and fearsShow fewer
- What would you regret not doing?
- What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever done?
- What would you like to stop worrying about?
- What’s a risk you’re glad you took?
- What would a secure future look like to you?
- Which of your hopes has changed most over the years?
- What would you want me to do if you were scared and didn’t say so?
- What do you want to get better at, even though it scares you?
- When did hope carry you through something hard?
- What’s a goal you gave up on, and do you still think about it?
- What gives you courage when you need it?
- What are you looking forward to that has nothing to do with work?
The big picture
Meaning, time, and the life you want to look back on.
- What do you think a meaningful life needs?
- If you could know one thing about your future, what would you ask?
- Which chapter of your life are you in right now, and what would you call it?
- What matters less to you now than it did five years ago?
- What does home mean to you?
- What would you do differently if you could start adulthood again?
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever ignored?
- Which do you value more, freedom or stability, and has that always been true?
Show all 20 in The big pictureShow fewer
- If you could teach a child only one lesson, what would it be?
- What makes a day worth remembering?
- Where do you find meaning outside of work and relationships?
- Who do you admire most, and what does that say about what you value?
- What kind of old age would you like to have?
- What would make you feel you’d used your life well?
- If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?
- What’s a question about life you keep coming back to?
- What do you think happiness depends on most?
- What do you want to experience at least once in your life?
- What are you most grateful for this year?
- When have you felt part of something bigger than yourself?
Frequently asked questions
How many deep questions for couples are there?
There are 100 questions, 20 in each of five categories: who you are, where you come from, the two of you, hopes and fears, and the big picture. The cards and the list on this page use the same set.
What makes a question deep without making it heavy?
Each card asks about something that matters to the person answering, like a value, a memory or a hope, rather than about a problem. That is why most of them end in a story instead of a debate.
What if a question touches something painful?
Pass it, or come back to it another day. The cards are there to start conversations, not to work through serious problems, and nobody owes an answer.
Are deep questions a good idea early in a relationship?
Yes, in small doses. Start with Who you are and The big picture, which are personal without being private, and save Hopes and fears for when you know each other better.