Deep Questions to Ask
Thoughtful questions about life, memories and the people around you, gentle enough for any age.
- Time
- 10–30 min
- Players
- Two or more people
- Best for
- Long drives, quiet evenings and family dinners
- Deck
- 150 questions in 6 categories
How to use these deep questions
- Pick a category from the menu under the card, or keep “All categories”.
- Read the top card aloud and let everyone answer it, going around the group.
- Swipe the card away, or tap “Next question”, for the next one. Questions do not repeat until you have seen the whole category.
- Tap the heart to save a question on this device, or tap “Make a 10-question list” for a list you can copy.
When to ask deep questions
Deep questions work best when nobody is in a hurry and there is nothing else to look at. One card can fill half an hour, and you often learn something new about a person you have known for years.
A long car ride
The future and Growing and changing keep a car talking long after the music runs out, and the driver can answer without looking away from the road.
A quiet evening with a grandparent or parent
Memories and People who matter bring out stories from before you were born, like the tune someone always hummed or the first thing they ever saved up for.
Coffee with someone you see often
Life and meaning and Values move a regular catch-up past the news of the week, to what each of you thinks a good day is made of.
Ways to use deep questions
Everyone answers, the asker goes last
In a group, the person holding the phone reads the card and then listens while everyone else answers, going around the circle. They answer last, so they get to hear the whole room before saying anything themselves.
One question per stretch of road
On a long drive, the passenger reads one card and nobody draws another until the next exit, rest stop or change of road. A deep question needs a few quiet miles, and the gap leaves room for second thoughts.
Two people, two different answers
With just two of you, both answer the same card, then each asks the other one follow-up about their answer. Different answers are the most useful kind here, because they give you something new to ask about.
Tips for a good talk
- Start with Memories or People who matter. Most people find a story easier to tell than an opinion, and Values feels lighter once everyone is warmed up.
- Any question can be passed. Say “next card” without a reason, and nobody asks why.
- Short answers are fine. A one-line answer often grows into a longer one after the next person speaks.
All 150 deep questions to ask by category
The complete list, grouped by category. The cards above draw from the same list, so you can read ahead here and play there.
Life and meaning
Everyday moments, quiet pleasures and what makes a day feel worth living.
- What small, everyday moment makes you think “this is a good life”?
- When you look up at a sky full of stars, what goes through your mind?
- Which activity makes time disappear for you, so hours feel like minutes?
- What’s the most beautiful thing you noticed this month that others walked right past?
- What makes you feel small in a good way, like the ocean or a huge old tree?
- Which simple pleasure should everyone try once, like watching a whole sunrise?
- What does “having enough” mean to you: enough time, enough rest, enough fun?
- What does a really good conversation give you that nothing else can?
Show all 25 in Life and meaningShow fewer
- Name one thing you do just because it makes you happy, for no other reason.
- When life starts to feel a bit gray and samey, what gets you going again?
- What makes a place feel special to you: the people, the memories or something else?
- Which season makes you think most about life, and why that one?
- What tiny thing can turn a bad day into an okay one for you?
- Why do you think people need rest days, and how do you spend yours?
- Describe your life so far in one word, then explain the word.
- What do you think makes a person truly lucky?
- How is a meaningful weekend different from one that’s simply fun?
- Which activity would you happily give an extra hour to every single day?
- Where do you go, at home or around town, when you need to think?
- Is anything worth doing well even when nobody will ever see it?
- What do you think animals understand about life that people sometimes forget?
- Why do you think people everywhere love stories so much?
- Where in your life do you get that feeling of a job well done?
- Is being bored sometimes good for people? Why or why not?
- What’s one thing you hope never changes about the world, however much else does?
Values
Fairness, honesty, kindness and the small choices that show what you stand for.
- What does being a good person mean to you, in one sentence?
- When honesty and kindness pull in different directions, which one do you usually follow?
- When did you speak up for someone, and what gave you the nerve?
- What makes a promise worth keeping, even a tiny one?
- Which quality do you notice first in someone you’ve just met?
- Is it fair to treat everyone exactly the same? Why or why not?
- Is a small white lie ever okay? When would you tell one?
- Which rule at home or at work do you think is truly fair, and why?
Show all 25 in ValuesShow fewer
- What does real courage look like on a completely ordinary day?
- What does a good loser look like after a game or a race?
- What makes someone a really good neighbor, on your street or in your building?
- When someone makes a mistake in front of you, how do you hope to react?
- How do you like to help in ways that nobody needs to notice?
- What makes an apology feel real to you?
- What would you never do, even for a really big prize?
- Which cause, like animals or clean parks, would you happily give a Saturday to?
- Between people of very different ages, what does respect look like?
- What do you think makes someone trustworthy?
- How do you decide what’s right when there’s no rule about it?
- What do we owe the strangers around us, like the person behind us in line?
- Why can giving someone a gift feel even better than getting one?
- Have you ever chosen not to do something because it didn’t feel right?
- Which value did you learn from playing a game or a sport?
- How do you stay patient with someone who is newer or slower at something?
- Is there a difference between being nice and being kind?
Memories
Rooms, journeys, tunes and first days that stayed with you for years.
- Which plain, ordinary day from years ago do you still remember for no clear reason?
- Which small thing you did every day for years ended up meaning the most?
- What question did you ask as a little kid that no grown-up could answer?
- When did you first feel truly proud of something you made with your own hands?
- Which ordinary object at home holds a memory nobody else knows about?
- What’s the earliest memory you’re sure is really yours, not from a photo or a story?
- Which object from your childhood would you rescue first from a dusty attic?
- Which room from a home you lived in could you still walk through with your eyes closed?
Show all 25 in MemoriesShow fewer
- What’s a memory that feels like a warm blanket whenever you think of it?
- When do you remember first feeling really grown-up?
- Which journey, even a short bus ride, do you remember better than the place you went?
- What’s a memory you hope you never lose, and how do you keep it fresh?
- Which family meal or get-together do you remember best, and who was there?
- What do you remember about the day you finally learned to ride a bike, swim or tie your shoes?
- Where did you first feel at home after moving somewhere new, or starting somewhere new?
- What promise did you make as a kid, and did you keep it?
- Which photo of you as a child has a story the picture doesn’t show?
- Which night do you remember because you stayed up far later than usual?
- What did you once wait a very long time for, and was it worth the wait?
- Which place from your past looked much smaller when you went back?
- Which tune did someone in your family always hum, whistle or sing around the house?
- What’s the first thing you ever saved up for, and how long did it take?
- When did you feel completely free, like running downhill or jumping into a lake?
- Which moment from a school play, concert or game do you still replay in your head?
- Which little disaster from years ago is now one of your favorite stories to tell?
Growing and changing
Skills that clicked, habits that stuck and the ways you’ve changed over the years.
- Which activity did you once find boring that you now look forward to?
- Which habit took you the longest to build, and what finally made it stick?
- Which part of growing up has been easier than you expected?
- How do you act differently when you’re trying something brand new?
- What helps you keep going when you’re stuck on something hard?
- Which skill were you bad at for a long time before it suddenly clicked?
- What do you understand about grown-ups now that you didn’t as a little kid?
- Which part of you has stayed exactly the same since you were small?
Show all 25 in Growing and changingShow fewer
- What have you learned about your own moods, like what makes you grumpy or calm?
- When did you notice you were getting more patient, and with what?
- Which piece of feedback stung at first but helped you later?
- How do you feel when you don’t win, and has that changed as you’ve grown?
- What’s a small step you took that led to something much bigger?
- What do you do differently now when you meet someone new?
- What did you learn the first time you asked for help with something?
- What keeps you practicing something on the days you don’t feel like it?
- Name one thing you’ve outgrown that you secretly miss a little.
- How do you cheer yourself up when something doesn’t go to plan?
- Which old drawing, journal or school project shows how much you’ve changed?
- What’s a strength of yours that started out as a weakness?
- What did moving up to a new school, team or job teach you?
- When did you discover you were good at something you had never tried before?
- What did looking after something small, like a pet or a plant, teach you about yourself?
- How has the way you spend your free time changed since you were younger?
- What does it feel like to start from zero at something, like a new sport or language?
The future
Hopes, plans and dreams for the years ahead, near and far.
- What are you looking forward to that’s at least a year away?
- Which problem in your town would you love to help fix one day?
- Which place near home do you want to know much better in the coming years?
- Which big question do you hope scientists answer in your lifetime, like what’s at the bottom of the ocean?
- Which family story do you want to make sure gets passed down?
- What do you hope the next version of you is braver about?
- Which kind of work would you happily do even if it paid nothing?
- What would make you proud when you look back on this year?
Show all 25 in The futureShow fewer
- What’s a big goal you could break into small steps, and what’s step one?
- Which kind of job will exist in the future that doesn’t exist yet?
- In ten years, what do you hope you’ll understand better than you do now?
- What do you think you’ll care about in ten years that you hardly think about now?
- Which subject will schools teach someday that they don’t teach now?
- Which of your hobbies do you think will last your whole life?
- What small promise would you like to make to your future self?
- Which club, class or team would you like to join in the next few years?
- Which talent are you willing to work on slowly, for years if that’s what it takes?
- What do you think you’ll find funny about today when you look back in twenty years?
- Which dream from when you were little do you still hold on to?
- What are you building now, slowly, that future you will thank you for?
- What would help you feel ready for a big new step, like a move or a new job?
- Once you’ve got the hang of what you’re learning now, what comes next?
- If you drew a hopeful future in one picture, what would be in it?
- Whose job would you like to learn more about before you choose your own path?
- How do you hope to help a younger person the way someone once helped you?
People who matter
Family, neighbors, helpers and mentors who make your life better.
- Who in your life is easiest to talk to, and why?
- Which ordinary person in your town do you quietly look up to?
- Who’s the first person you want to tell when something great happens?
- Which grandparent, aunt, uncle or older cousin do you take after, and how?
- Who believed in you before you believed in yourself?
- Who makes ordinary days better just by being around?
- Which everyday helper, like a bus driver or a librarian, would you like to thank?
- How do you show someone you care when the right words are hard to find?
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- Who in your family has a talent you wish you could borrow?
- Who can tell you a hard truth in a way that still feels kind?
- When you were new somewhere, who made you feel welcome, and how?
- Who taught you to be brave about something, like the dark or deep water?
- Who stays calm when things go wrong, and how do they do it?
- Which person outside your family feels like family to you?
- Who do you think deserves a lot more credit than they get?
- Which grown-up in your life always makes time for your questions?
- What makes someone a good teacher, even outside a classroom?
- Who would you like to know better, and what would you ask them first?
- What’s a lesson you learned by watching someone, not by being told?
- Who makes you laugh the most without even trying?
- How do you show the people at home that you appreciate them?
- Who is the most curious person you know, and what are they curious about?
- What can older and younger people learn from each other?
- Who has helped you without being asked, and what did they do?
- Who is the best storyteller you know, and what’s their best story?
Frequently asked questions
How many deep questions to ask are there?
There are 150 questions, 25 in each of six categories: life and meaning, values, memories, growing and changing, the future, and people who matter. The cards and the list on this page use the same set.
Is there a version of these questions for couples?
Yes. Deep questions for couples is a separate deck written for partners, with questions about the two of you, hopes and fears, and the life you are building together. The questions on this page are not about romance, so they suit anyone.
Are these deep questions okay for a family dinner?
Yes. Every card is about everyday life, choices, memories, plans and the people who help us. They stay away from heavy topics, which makes them a good fit for a family dinner, a book club or a talk with a grandparent.
What should we play after deep questions?
For something lighter, try hypothetical questions, which ask what you would do in a made-up situation. If you are with a close friend, questions to ask friends are about your friendship and the stories you share.