Long Distance Relationship Questions
Questions for couples who live apart, about the ordinary days you miss and the visits you plan, one card at a time.
- Time
- 5–30 min
- Players
- Two people, on a call or by text
- Best for
- Nightly calls and texts between visits
- Deck
- 75 questions in 5 categories
How to use these long distance relationship questions
- Pick a category from the menu under the card, or keep “All categories”.
- Read the question on the top card aloud on your call, or copy it into a message, and both answer it.
- Swipe the card away, or tap “Next question”, for the next one. Questions do not repeat until you have seen the whole category.
- Tap the heart to save a question on this device, or tap “Make a 10-question list” to send a set across before your next call.
When to ask long distance relationship questions
Calls between two cities can turn into reports: what happened, who said what, goodnight. A question brings in the things a report leaves out, like the sound outside the window or the friend you would like each other to meet.
The nightly call
Your day over there and Missing each other fit a short call at the end of the day, even when one of you is about to fall asleep.
A long weekend call
Life in two places and The future together are for the slow calls, with time to talk about cities, time zones and the first Saturday in the same place.
The week before a visit
The next visit turns the countdown into a plan: the first meal, the spot most visitors miss and the errand you would like to run side by side.
Ways to use these questions
One question to open every call
Before the catch-up starts, one of you draws a card and asks it. Your day over there works best on weeknights, when the call might otherwise be a quick list of what happened.
A question in the morning, answers at night
If your time zones barely overlap, send one question when you wake up. The other answers whenever they can, and you talk it over on the next call.
Save the visit questions for planning nights
When a trip is booked, draw only from The next visit. By the end of the call you will have a first dinner, a friend to meet and a plan for the last evening.
Tips for good conversations across the distance
- Ask one follow-up before moving on. A question about the walk home leads somewhere if you ask what the street looked like.
- Let the quieter one draw. Whoever picks the card is more likely to be curious about the answer.
- On a tired night, one question and a goodnight is plenty. The cards will still be there tomorrow.
All 75 long distance relationship questions by category
The complete list, grouped by category. The cards above draw from the same list, so you can read ahead here and play there.
Your day over there
Lunch, the weather, the walk home and the small moments of a day you didn’t get to see.
- What’s the first thing you see when you open the curtains in the morning?
- What was the best bite of food you had today?
- What was the most boring part of your day? Tell it to me like it was thrilling.
- What can you hear outside your window right now?
- What time is it there, and what would you usually be doing right about now?
- Which part of your trip to work or class would you show me if I were walking beside you?
- What’s the weather doing over there, and what did it make you wear today?
- What did you do today that I would have teased you about?
Show all 15 in Your day over thereShow fewer
- Which of the people you see every day do you think I would get along with best?
- What’s one small thing that went right for you today?
- What did you see today that would have made me smile?
- If I had followed you around all day, which moment would have surprised me most?
- What did you cook or order this week that you wish I could have tasted?
- What did you notice on the way home that you wanted to tell me about?
- What’s the last thing you bought, even if it was only a pack of gum?
Missing each other
Warm questions about the songs, sweaters and habits that bring the other person a little closer.
- What’s a small thing you do that makes it feel like I’m right there with you?
- Which of my habits have you caught yourself copying when I’m not around?
- When you miss me, what do you reach for first: a song, a photo or something of mine?
- Which of my messages have you read more than once?
- What’s the last thing you saw and thought, “I have to tell them about this”?
- Which spot in your place reminds you of me the most?
- If I could turn up next to you for one hour tonight, what would we do with it?
- Should our calls end with a little ritual, like a song or a countdown, and what would it be?
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- Which everyday sound reminds you of me, like a kettle, a laugh down the hall or a ringtone?
- Once we hang up, where do you go and what do you do next?
- What’s a little thing of mine you’d like to have with you this week?
- Which ordinary thing we do together do you miss most: cooking, errands or doing nothing on the couch?
- When the miles feel big, what helps them feel small again?
- What would you put in a care package for me this month?
- Which of my voice notes would you keep forever if you could only keep one?
The next visit
First meals, friends to meet, places to show and how to spend the time when you’re finally together.
- What do you want to eat on our first night together, and where?
- Which spot in your city should I see that most visitors miss?
- Should the next visit be packed with plans, or slow and lazy?
- Which of your friends do you want me to meet next time?
- What do you want to show me that never comes across in a photo?
- What do you always forget to pack when you come to see me?
- Which of our favorite places should we go back to next time?
- What do you want to cook together on the next visit?
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- How should we spend the last evening of a visit so it ends on a good note?
- What’s something neither of us has done that we could try together next time?
- Next time, should I come to you, should you come to me, or should we meet somewhere new?
- What’s your favorite part of a visit: the trip there, the arrival or the first morning?
- What’s the first thing you notice about me when we see each other again?
- Which everyday errand would you love to do side by side, just to be together?
- Which of my bad jokes are you secretly looking forward to hearing in person?
Life in two places
Two cities, two time zones and two sets of routines, and what each one is like from the inside.
- What’s something your city does better than mine?
- What’s a local food where you live that I would have to try?
- Which hour of the day works best for our calls, given both time zones?
- What’s different about the way people talk where you live?
- What’s an unwritten local rule I would need to know before spending a week there?
- Which shop near you would I end up visiting every single day?
- What has changed around your place since I was last there?
- When we talk, can you picture exactly where I’m sitting?
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- In which season is your city at its best, and when should I come to see it?
- What have you learned to do on your own since we started living apart?
- Which of our routines works best across the distance?
- What do you do now that you started because of our calls?
- What do people around you ask about the two of us?
- What’s the funniest mix-up our time difference has caused so far?
- Which festival or local event in your town should I plan a visit around?
The future together
Light, hopeful questions about closing the distance and the first days in the same place.
- When we live in the same place, what’s the first thing we should buy for it?
- Should we end up in your city, in mine, or somewhere new to both of us?
- What would you miss most about your city if you moved?
- Which long distance habit would you want to keep even after we live together?
- What would our first Saturday in the same city look like?
- Which of our call rituals should turn into a real-life one?
- When the distance ends, how should we celebrate it?
- What do you think will be the easiest part of living close, and what will take getting used to?
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- Which of my friends do you think would become your friends first?
- Which part of your daily routine would you want to share with me first?
- What’s one thing we haven’t done yet because of the miles that should come first?
- How should we mark the anniversary of the day we stopped living apart?
- What do you want to remember about this long distance stretch years from now?
- What would you like our weeknight evenings to look like once we share them?
- Should we keep writing each other letters even when we live in the same place?
Frequently asked questions
How many long distance relationship questions are there?
There are 75 questions, 15 in each of five categories: your day over there, missing each other, the next visit, life in two places, and the future together. The cards and the list on this page use the same set.
Can we play games instead of only asking questions?
Yes. The long distance relationship games on this site let two phones deal the same cards in the same order with a shared code, so you can play would you rather or this or that while you talk.
Can we use these questions when we are together again?
Yes. The next visit and The future together are just as good on the visit itself, over the first dinner or on the trip back to the station. The questions about each other’s day can wait for the next call.
Are any of these questions sad?
No. Missing each other is written to be warm, about the songs and habits that bring you closer, and the future questions are hopeful. For a weekly talk about how things are going, try relationship check-in questions.